Feeling Accepted

     Had the joy of meeting up with some new friends and my boyfriend to go downtown yesterday. It was nice to be able to have conversations with some depth to them for once. My old friends don't know how to have a good deep conversation. They haven't had enough life experience yet. These new friends are more like me. We have our damages and troubled pasts, but it makes us deeper people. The four of us can be so open with one another because we all have issues and won't judge. It's so refreshing to not have to hide bits of me away and pretend to be something I'm not.
     Yesterday we got some coffee, went to a book store where I bought a copy of Kurt Cobain's Journals, and then saw the movie Looper at the theatre. There were also many meaningful conversations. Hanging out with others who have mental health problems and just talking makes me feel so much better, and I think it does the same for them. We all feel less freaky and alone.
     Back when school started in August these two new friends were actually what gave me the courage to go to school without bandanas and bracelets covering my wrists. The first week of school I was a nervous wreck because I had made the decision to not cover up and felt really awkward with all the white lines trailing across my arms visible to my classmates for the first time. Then I started sitting with these new friends and noticed the scars on their arms. The fact that they had no shame about theirs made me feel less ashamed of mine. Accepting friends makes everything better.

errrggggg

     My mind is pissing me off lately. It keeps on deciding to have me develop more weird quirks and disorders. Trichotillomania, Dermatillomania, self-harm, depression, anxiety, facial tics, disordered eating tendencies; the list keeps growing. I've gone back into therapy which is good. I've found a few friends who suffer from similar problems which is comforting. We all know we are not alone. I've been doing a bit better with some of my issues, and not so great with others. My eyebrows, for instance, are looking rather sparse from pulling at them yesterday. My scalp has been attacked too. Fortunately no bald patches at the moment. High stress and anxiety make me do all sorts of odd things :p
     I've been getting back into my art more the past week or so. That always helps things. Knitting is especially beneficial because it keeps both my hands occupied. To anyone struggling with mental health problems, I definitely recommend taking up some sort of hobby. I prefer art or running, but there are plenty of other things that help to get one's mind off things. Would not suggest things like TV or video games. Watching a movie or occasionally playing some videogames is all well and good. Just not all the time, then they are just mind numbing. I've always preferred reading as an escape; it's better for your brain :) I know how difficult doing fun things can be when you are depressed, but make yourself do them anyway. You will feel better for doing so. I for one feel so much better after getting out my paint set and blasting some music while working on a canvas. Sometimes I even revert back into a five year old and do some finger painting :p Doesn't fix everything, but it helps. Find your bliss. <3


~Evangeline <3