Prozac Nation

     Elizabeth Wurtzel was right when she wrote about how we're all living in a prozac nation. America is all about the pharmaceuticals. Teens have the worst of it though. Adults at least can make their own decision on whether or not they want to get zonked out on antidepressants to make them forget how much they hate their jobs. Teenagers get forced and coerced by fed up parents to choke down mind numbing meds that are supposed to "cure" us.
     Can't focus? Take a pill. Feeling lost, hopeless, scared, confused, or stressed? Take a pill. Those ones aren't working you say? Don't worry we have thousands more we can test on you! - Since when is being a teenager a disease? There are some people who legitimately need something to take the edge off so they don't go postal, I know that. It just pisses me off that parents would rather ship their kids off to a psychiatrist than actually talk to them. It feels like they're trying to make us into obedient, medicated zombies that never challenge anything they say. My parents have tried to medicate me so many times and i always flat out refuse now. The one time i tried taking meds i felt like I may as well be dead. I couldn't feel ANYTHING!

Stupid Ass Highschooler Wannabes

Why is it that some freshmen seem to think that its cool to get into drugs as soon as they reach high school? Just FYI it doesn't earn you any respect or cred from the upperclassmen. We all just think you're idiots that have no idea what you are getting yourself into. Popping random pills that people give you is the STUPIDEST IDEA EVER! Also, walking around in booty shorts dragging on a cigarette does not make you a cool kid, it makes you a ho, we're all REALLY impressed by the way. Go put on some f**king clothes and be your own person, not some pretentious wannabe. If you're into art do your artwork. Likewise with music or any other hobbies you have. You'll get much more respect for being yourself than for trying to fit in to some stupid high school stereotype.

Teenage Angst

Sometimes I really just get fed up with well...everything. I try so hard in school, I try hard to make everyone around me happy, and for what?! Nothing ever gets much better. I always try to have hope for the future. I tell myself things will be better in a few years, but will they really? Things could get a whole lot better or a whole lot worse. All anyone can do is tough it out and see what happens, (There's other options, but not ones i would recommend). I'm just sick of seeing people that don't know how to treat others with compassion and respect! It pisses me off when people mistreat others. It pisses me off even more that I can't do much about it. I wish I could gather up all the other broken and abused people so we could all move to a place far away from the people who have hurt us.

Can't sleep AGAIN

     Seems like I can never get any sleep lately. Last night I was up until 1am and woke up at 5am...ouch. Right now it's around 1:30am and I once again find myself unable to sleep. I've got too much shit on my mind to even try to sleep, which is the case most nights. I've never been able to figure out exactly why my mind is so screwed up. Craziness just runs in my family I guess.
     At least when I'm up late I have time to sketch and listen to music :) That's what I've been doing the last couple nights to keep my mind off things. Ugh... I really shouldn't try to blog when I'm so sleep deprived, it ends up being just random ramblings. I'm not sure if anybody even reads my blog, but if anyone out there happens to be reading this I apologize for my boring late night scribblings. I've been trying to think of what to do with this blog that would be more interesting. I have some ideas, but some of the things I've considered writing about are really personal and I'm not sure how comfortable I am with sharing them. It's not like anyone who comes across this blog will know who I am, but still. I'll probably end up writing a post about it eventually anyways. I never tell any of my secrets to people i'm close with, but for some reason i don't have any big problem with random strangers reading about them. As I said, no one reading it will know who I am. I'll think about it and make up my mind when I'm less sleep deprived. Sorry for all the long and pointless posts.
                                                                                               ~Evangeline <3

Sketching and depression

I've just been doing a lot of fashion sketches today. Fashion design is a bit of a hobby of mine. I mostly draw goth outfits and fancy ballgowns. I've just been in a crappy mood today and haven't felt like doing anything but draw. I just feel really worthless sometimes. I'm also really ashamed of some of my recent behavior. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I need therapy for my issues, but then I would have to admit my problems to people. It's not like I ever endanger anyone else with my actions. I don't drink or do drugs. I just have this one bad habit that I really need to quit. I know its not good for me, and I've been trying to stop doing it, but it just gets really difficult sometimes. When I get depressed like this its hard to stop thinking about it. I know I make the one person who really cares about me worry all the time, which I feel really bad about. I just want to be able to fix everything, but I know I can't.

Ugh...crazy night last night

I had a really crazy night. I partied way too hard and ended up passing out. NOT GOOD. I'm fine now for the most part, but me knee is all scraped up from when I blacked out. I feel like a fucking idiot and I'm never doing stupid shit like that ever again! I know better than that. Life has just been way to crazy lately. I need to just calm the hell down and get some perspective on things. I don't like the path that I've been on lately and I'm determined to change it before I seriously screw myself over. I'm just glad I got home in one piece last night. I used to be so much more level headed and responsible than this. I'm so mad at myself. I'm just venting here right now because I have nowhere else to vent. I'm going to start being more responsible and stop being so damn self-destructive.


~Evangeline

Late Night Artist

     Well it's past 1am. I'm up blasting music and doing my artwork. I always work best at night. Everything is much more quiet at night and my creative thoughts flow freely. It's not like I have to be up early in the morning during the summer anyway. My brain is being mainly fueled by coffee at the moment. I drink way too much of that stuff. Not really sure why I'm even bothering with this blog. I doubt anyone will read it. I guess that doesn't really matter though. Whatever happens, happens. If I decide that keeping a blog isn't doing anything for me I'll just stop posting. God, I really shouldn't post so late at night, I tend to ramble. I may be better at most varieties of my artwork late at night, but not always writing. I'm just going to shut the hell up now.

Why Hello There.

     Hey, My name is Evangeline. I'm starting this blog as a place to voice my thoughts free from judgement. Well sure, if anyone reads this they can judge me, but no one will know who I am. That's the beauty of the internet.
     So here's a little bit about myself. I'm really into art and music. Drawing and writing are my main focus in the realm of art but i have dabbled in many different art-forms. My style is dark and artsy, all the black I wear may be a little un-nerving to some people, but truly I'm a very kind person. That being said I can be a bit of a loner sometimes. I have a group of friends that I love dearly, but at times I can also greatly value solitude. Due to some tough circumstances that i have experienced in my life I sometimes struggle with severe depression, but I manage it without any type of drugs or medication. I'm not a big believer in therapy or medication. I think adults are too quick to try and medicate those of my generation, rather than actually listening to us.
      I have a lot of opinions and philosophical ideals that many people my age wouldn't agree with or understand. I'm a major pacifist. The idea of war and violence sickens me. The 9/11 terrorist attacks happened when I was in first grade, so I've grown up hearing about the struggles in the Middle East. Seeing humans kill other humans, people who are supposed to be our brothers and sisters, makes me disappointed in the human race. We have such great potential, but we squander it by fighting over things like money and religion. More people have been killed in the name of religion than anything else in history. The thing is that a lot of the major religions are all based upon similar principles, yet people fight over which one is better. Personally I don't believe in any particular higher power. I've tried to, but I just can't. I'm not saying there definitely isn't one, but the truth is that no one can know for sure, so what's the point in arguing about it?
     I believe that war should not exist. People need to accept others the way that they are and stop trying to kill off people who are different than them. The world as a whole needs the start practicing tolerance and acceptance. if we don't we will all destroy each other. I know getting the whole world to cooperate and function as a whole is a farfetched idea. It's nearly impossible, but if it doesn't happen the human race will eventually self-destruct.
     Okay I'm going to end my ranting here. See, I told you I had some strong and kind of out there opinions for a girl of my age. I doubt that anyone will ever even read this blog, but if anyone does I hope they will leave a comment telling me what they think about what I've said. I'd prefer that anyone leaving a comment be respectful about it, let's not start any arguments.