Can't sleep AGAIN

     Seems like I can never get any sleep lately. Last night I was up until 1am and woke up at 5am...ouch. Right now it's around 1:30am and I once again find myself unable to sleep. I've got too much shit on my mind to even try to sleep, which is the case most nights. I've never been able to figure out exactly why my mind is so screwed up. Craziness just runs in my family I guess.
     At least when I'm up late I have time to sketch and listen to music :) That's what I've been doing the last couple nights to keep my mind off things. Ugh... I really shouldn't try to blog when I'm so sleep deprived, it ends up being just random ramblings. I'm not sure if anybody even reads my blog, but if anyone out there happens to be reading this I apologize for my boring late night scribblings. I've been trying to think of what to do with this blog that would be more interesting. I have some ideas, but some of the things I've considered writing about are really personal and I'm not sure how comfortable I am with sharing them. It's not like anyone who comes across this blog will know who I am, but still. I'll probably end up writing a post about it eventually anyways. I never tell any of my secrets to people i'm close with, but for some reason i don't have any big problem with random strangers reading about them. As I said, no one reading it will know who I am. I'll think about it and make up my mind when I'm less sleep deprived. Sorry for all the long and pointless posts.
                                                                                               ~Evangeline <3

Sketching and depression

I've just been doing a lot of fashion sketches today. Fashion design is a bit of a hobby of mine. I mostly draw goth outfits and fancy ballgowns. I've just been in a crappy mood today and haven't felt like doing anything but draw. I just feel really worthless sometimes. I'm also really ashamed of some of my recent behavior. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I need therapy for my issues, but then I would have to admit my problems to people. It's not like I ever endanger anyone else with my actions. I don't drink or do drugs. I just have this one bad habit that I really need to quit. I know its not good for me, and I've been trying to stop doing it, but it just gets really difficult sometimes. When I get depressed like this its hard to stop thinking about it. I know I make the one person who really cares about me worry all the time, which I feel really bad about. I just want to be able to fix everything, but I know I can't.

Ugh...crazy night last night

I had a really crazy night. I partied way too hard and ended up passing out. NOT GOOD. I'm fine now for the most part, but me knee is all scraped up from when I blacked out. I feel like a fucking idiot and I'm never doing stupid shit like that ever again! I know better than that. Life has just been way to crazy lately. I need to just calm the hell down and get some perspective on things. I don't like the path that I've been on lately and I'm determined to change it before I seriously screw myself over. I'm just glad I got home in one piece last night. I used to be so much more level headed and responsible than this. I'm so mad at myself. I'm just venting here right now because I have nowhere else to vent. I'm going to start being more responsible and stop being so damn self-destructive.


~Evangeline