I know that nobody reads this blog, but I know I get worried when I stumble across a blog about depression that hasn't been updated in three years. So...yeah not dead. Not planning on becoming dead any time soon. I still have depression, likely will for the rest of my life, but it is a lot more manageable now as compared to how it used to be.
~ Evangeline <3
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Feeling Accepted
Had the joy of meeting up with some new friends and my boyfriend to go downtown yesterday. It was nice to be able to have conversations with some depth to them for once. My old friends don't know how to have a good deep conversation. They haven't had enough life experience yet. These new friends are more like me. We have our damages and troubled pasts, but it makes us deeper people. The four of us can be so open with one another because we all have issues and won't judge. It's so refreshing to not have to hide bits of me away and pretend to be something I'm not.
Yesterday we got some coffee, went to a book store where I bought a copy of Kurt Cobain's Journals, and then saw the movie Looper at the theatre. There were also many meaningful conversations. Hanging out with others who have mental health problems and just talking makes me feel so much better, and I think it does the same for them. We all feel less freaky and alone.
Back when school started in August these two new friends were actually what gave me the courage to go to school without bandanas and bracelets covering my wrists. The first week of school I was a nervous wreck because I had made the decision to not cover up and felt really awkward with all the white lines trailing across my arms visible to my classmates for the first time. Then I started sitting with these new friends and noticed the scars on their arms. The fact that they had no shame about theirs made me feel less ashamed of mine. Accepting friends makes everything better.
Yesterday we got some coffee, went to a book store where I bought a copy of Kurt Cobain's Journals, and then saw the movie Looper at the theatre. There were also many meaningful conversations. Hanging out with others who have mental health problems and just talking makes me feel so much better, and I think it does the same for them. We all feel less freaky and alone.
Back when school started in August these two new friends were actually what gave me the courage to go to school without bandanas and bracelets covering my wrists. The first week of school I was a nervous wreck because I had made the decision to not cover up and felt really awkward with all the white lines trailing across my arms visible to my classmates for the first time. Then I started sitting with these new friends and noticed the scars on their arms. The fact that they had no shame about theirs made me feel less ashamed of mine. Accepting friends makes everything better.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
errrggggg
My mind is pissing me off lately. It keeps on deciding to have me develop more weird quirks and disorders. Trichotillomania, Dermatillomania, self-harm, depression, anxiety, facial tics, disordered eating tendencies; the list keeps growing. I've gone back into therapy which is good. I've found a few friends who suffer from similar problems which is comforting. We all know we are not alone. I've been doing a bit better with some of my issues, and not so great with others. My eyebrows, for instance, are looking rather sparse from pulling at them yesterday. My scalp has been attacked too. Fortunately no bald patches at the moment. High stress and anxiety make me do all sorts of odd things :p
I've been getting back into my art more the past week or so. That always helps things. Knitting is especially beneficial because it keeps both my hands occupied. To anyone struggling with mental health problems, I definitely recommend taking up some sort of hobby. I prefer art or running, but there are plenty of other things that help to get one's mind off things. Would not suggest things like TV or video games. Watching a movie or occasionally playing some videogames is all well and good. Just not all the time, then they are just mind numbing. I've always preferred reading as an escape; it's better for your brain :) I know how difficult doing fun things can be when you are depressed, but make yourself do them anyway. You will feel better for doing so. I for one feel so much better after getting out my paint set and blasting some music while working on a canvas. Sometimes I even revert back into a five year old and do some finger painting :p Doesn't fix everything, but it helps. Find your bliss. <3
~Evangeline <3
I've been getting back into my art more the past week or so. That always helps things. Knitting is especially beneficial because it keeps both my hands occupied. To anyone struggling with mental health problems, I definitely recommend taking up some sort of hobby. I prefer art or running, but there are plenty of other things that help to get one's mind off things. Would not suggest things like TV or video games. Watching a movie or occasionally playing some videogames is all well and good. Just not all the time, then they are just mind numbing. I've always preferred reading as an escape; it's better for your brain :) I know how difficult doing fun things can be when you are depressed, but make yourself do them anyway. You will feel better for doing so. I for one feel so much better after getting out my paint set and blasting some music while working on a canvas. Sometimes I even revert back into a five year old and do some finger painting :p Doesn't fix everything, but it helps. Find your bliss. <3
~Evangeline <3
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
...
Whenever I try to write anything for this blog I just get annoyed and end up deleting it. I feel like there is no point to posting any of this crap on the internet. It's not like I am saying anything important. It's all random scribblings that I may as well keep to myself. Journals are the only writing I have been doing lately. Haven't been able to get myself to do anything else. Even posting this pathetic little explanation for lack of posting on my blog feels pointless. Nobody reads any of this, so I may as well just be talking to an empty room.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Why hello there.
I haven't posted anything in forever. I don't know if anyone actually reads any of my posts, but if by chance anyone does, sorry I've been so absent.
The last few months have been especially crappy for me. The only really good thing about them has been my boyfriend who I love dearly, everything else has been crap. I've struggled with self-harm and an eating disorder for over two years along with major depression. All my issues seem to be getting progressively worse. I've been forced back into therapy, and tomorrow I have to see a psychiatrist and be put on medication again. I'm still just as against taking them as I've always been, but I don't know what else to do. My mother is forcing me into it. I'll give them a try i suppose, but if i don't like the effects that they have on me I will flat out stop taking them.
If you've never self-harmed, but are considering it, PLEASE DON'T. It's taken over my life and I can't stop. The scars it will leave on your body are hideous gashes that may never completely fade. People will judge you for them constantly. You'll try to keep it localized to one small area of your body where you think nobody will see, but it WILL spread to more visible areas. You WILL start going deeper. It's a terrible addiction, don't do it. To those who are struggling with self harm, depression or eating disorders: I feel your pain, you are not alone. You are all beautiful :)
~ Evangeline <3
The last few months have been especially crappy for me. The only really good thing about them has been my boyfriend who I love dearly, everything else has been crap. I've struggled with self-harm and an eating disorder for over two years along with major depression. All my issues seem to be getting progressively worse. I've been forced back into therapy, and tomorrow I have to see a psychiatrist and be put on medication again. I'm still just as against taking them as I've always been, but I don't know what else to do. My mother is forcing me into it. I'll give them a try i suppose, but if i don't like the effects that they have on me I will flat out stop taking them.
If you've never self-harmed, but are considering it, PLEASE DON'T. It's taken over my life and I can't stop. The scars it will leave on your body are hideous gashes that may never completely fade. People will judge you for them constantly. You'll try to keep it localized to one small area of your body where you think nobody will see, but it WILL spread to more visible areas. You WILL start going deeper. It's a terrible addiction, don't do it. To those who are struggling with self harm, depression or eating disorders: I feel your pain, you are not alone. You are all beautiful :)
~ Evangeline <3
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Prozac Nation
Elizabeth Wurtzel was right when she wrote about how we're all living in a prozac nation. America is all about the pharmaceuticals. Teens have the worst of it though. Adults at least can make their own decision on whether or not they want to get zonked out on antidepressants to make them forget how much they hate their jobs. Teenagers get forced and coerced by fed up parents to choke down mind numbing meds that are supposed to "cure" us.
Can't focus? Take a pill. Feeling lost, hopeless, scared, confused, or stressed? Take a pill. Those ones aren't working you say? Don't worry we have thousands more we can test on you! - Since when is being a teenager a disease? There are some people who legitimately need something to take the edge off so they don't go postal, I know that. It just pisses me off that parents would rather ship their kids off to a psychiatrist than actually talk to them. It feels like they're trying to make us into obedient, medicated zombies that never challenge anything they say. My parents have tried to medicate me so many times and i always flat out refuse now. The one time i tried taking meds i felt like I may as well be dead. I couldn't feel ANYTHING!
Can't focus? Take a pill. Feeling lost, hopeless, scared, confused, or stressed? Take a pill. Those ones aren't working you say? Don't worry we have thousands more we can test on you! - Since when is being a teenager a disease? There are some people who legitimately need something to take the edge off so they don't go postal, I know that. It just pisses me off that parents would rather ship their kids off to a psychiatrist than actually talk to them. It feels like they're trying to make us into obedient, medicated zombies that never challenge anything they say. My parents have tried to medicate me so many times and i always flat out refuse now. The one time i tried taking meds i felt like I may as well be dead. I couldn't feel ANYTHING!
Stupid Ass Highschooler Wannabes
Why is it that some freshmen seem to think that its cool to get into drugs as soon as they reach high school? Just FYI it doesn't earn you any respect or cred from the upperclassmen. We all just think you're idiots that have no idea what you are getting yourself into. Popping random pills that people give you is the STUPIDEST IDEA EVER! Also, walking around in booty shorts dragging on a cigarette does not make you a cool kid, it makes you a ho, we're all REALLY impressed by the way. Go put on some f**king clothes and be your own person, not some pretentious wannabe. If you're into art do your artwork. Likewise with music or any other hobbies you have. You'll get much more respect for being yourself than for trying to fit in to some stupid high school stereotype.
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